10) This paper shredder that I bought at Goodwill and only works in reverse. It seems like I should be able to fix it, but I have no patience. Failing that, I will nail all the furniture to the ceiling and start living upside down.
9) The fence that the faux-tornado blew over last Thursday. Me and my brother digging holes. Sweaty. Shirts Off. Flab Everywhere.
8) My relationship with Yancey Clayton. I want to stay with him this summer in Chicago. Yancey…call me.
7) My slip n’ slide. We really screwed it up last year, because grown ups aren’t meant to slip or slide. Enhancements will include making it longer and softer, and possible splash poll ending.
6) My bed. I have a huge divot in the middle. My fix will be to pile up the perfect amount bedding under my mattress. I currently have too much bedding, which means my divot has become a hump.
5) That hole my butt made in the wall at Peter’s old apartment
4) My face. I want to be pretty.
3) That “Deuce is Loose” t-shirt I tried to make Kent in 2003. I pulled it out the other day, and it currently reads “D uc i oose,” which is actaully a pretty good looking T-Shirt. But I still have the letters, and I’m going to make it happen. Then I’m going to start making “NASA=Bad” t-shirts.
2) Our porch swing. It’s only for looking at right now. My brother and I broke it last year, which was humiliating. Especially since we not only pulled it out of the ceiling, but also broke the swing with our butts. All while falling on our asses. This year things will be different.
1) A key lime pie from scratch