Dave’s top 10 ways to tell his friends that he’s going to be a daddy

10. Dudes, I got SO laid.
9. Hole in one!
8. Apparently, butt babies do live. (Sorry, I’m gross)
7. Guys, I’m outta here. Take care of this baby for me.
6. I totally recommend doing it with pregnant chicks.
5. Experimenting with pot does not make you infertile.
4. I want to have a sit-down with each of you about safe sex.
3. Congratulations, it’s not you that I knocked up.
2. While trying to come up with the ultimate Mardi Gras bead attracter, I envisioned a 3-month-old stuffed inside a Saints can koozie. So I made one.
1. I should have made the choice to be gay.

Due date: Dec. 11.

I enjoy buying girls clothes

Kid Rock was arrested last night for getting in a fight at a Waffle House just down the street from me. I live in a pretty gay part of Atlanta, so that must mean that Kid Rock is gay. But that’s his choice :0)

In other Atlanta news, I enjoy buying clothes for girls. But, being a single man, I often find myself purchasing clothes for my friends’ wives and/or girlfriends.

For example, Leslie wanted “nice, going-out” clothes for her recent birthday. So I spent a few afternoon hours at the mall and picked out what I think Leslie would like, but not necessarily items similar to what she already wears. I would consider Leslie’s style elegant-conservative.

I went with a silky, sleeveless, chartreuse blouse that has a sequined strap across the front. The color is more yellow that green and according to the hipster Express girl is the hot color of the season. It’s probably a little more daring and trendy than Leslie normally wears, but, again, I was trying to get her something just barely different than she already has. I also picked her up silky, black, sleeveless top with black flowers at the very top. I thought it was classy and could be worn to cocktail party, coupled with a skirt and sweater.

It did, however, look a lot more like lingerie when I gave it to her in front of a bunch of people than it did in the store. So I was a little uncomfortable.

My questions are:
A) Is it appropriate for me to buying clothes for my friends’ wives/girlfriends?
B) Why do you think I like shopping for girls clothes so much?
C) How many of you, boys or girls, would trust me to buy an outfit that you had to wear to a big occasion?

Thank you for your time.

P.S. Kent … If you feel like posting pictures of the items I gave Leslie maybe that would help people with their answers.




A high school student in Atlanta recently wrote a column in the school newspaper, criticizing homosexuals and even going to the extent of calling them “reproductive errors.”

For the record, I believe homosexuality is a choice; otherwise, I believe science would have discovered a common trait among gay people by now.

I understand that my belief is offensive to homosexuals. I’m not really sure why. Paul tried to explain it to me one time, but I don’t think I ever really grasped the concept.
He also tried to answer my other big question about homosexuals: If gay men like men, why do some often dress like women and act feminine? But, again, I’m not really sure of his answer.

(Disclaimer: I apologize beforehand if I’m offending anyone. It is not my attention.)

The student, Thomas Benjamin, wrote: “I realize biology commits many reproductive errors. Homosexuality can be one of them.”

Do you think homosexuality is a choice or a biological error or neither? Do you have a problem with the school paper publishing the article? Do you have a problem with me?

Wanna Bet?

Here are some of the odds makers’ predictions on the Saints.
Odds makers are generally way better than almost any analyst.

vs. Bills (Friday): We’re a a six-point favorite (Take the Bills)

vs. Colts (Opening game): We’re a six-point underdog. (Take the Saints)

Over/Under number of regular-season wins: 9 1/2 (Take the under)

To win the Super Bowl: 15-1

To win the NFC: 6-1 (The same as the Cowboys, Seahawks and Eagles. The Bears are the favorites at 9-2)

To win the NFC South: 6-5

Drew Brees to win NFL MVP: 10-1

Reggie Bush to win NFL MVP: 15-1

Saints Pro Bowl lineman Brown down with knee injury

Our luck is changing …

Trainers carted New Orleans Saints starting left tackle Jammal Brown from the practice field Tuesday morning after he crumpled to the ground with an apparent right knee injury.


UPDATE: What looked like a serious knee injury to Saints starting left tackle Jammal Brown on Tuesday morning was later diagnosed as a bone bruise, ESPN.com repors.

The Path to the Super Bowl


09/06 at Indianapolis 7:30 PM CT
09/16 at Tampa Bay 12:00 PM CT
09/24 Tennessee 7:30 PM CT
10/07 Carolina 12:00 PM CT
10/14 at Seattle 7:15 PM CT
10/21 Atlanta 12:00 PM CT
10/28 at San Francisco 3:15 PM CT
11/04 Jacksonville 12:00 PM CT
11/11 St. Louis 12:00 PM CT
11/18 at Houston 12:00 PM CT
11/25 at Carolina 12:00 PM CT
12/02 Tampa Bay 12:00 PM CT
12/10 at Atlanta 7:30 PM CT
12/16 Arizona 12:00 PM CT
12/23 Philadelphia 12:00 PM CT
12/30 at Chicago 12:00 PM CT

Are you smart enough to play in the NFL?

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you have to be smart to play professional football.
First off, there’s Joe Theisman, who famously once said, “Jim Haslet should be the coach of the year.” (Funny, I don’t remember Jimmy actually ever coaching. There was no one better at standing on the sidelines trying to act disappointed, though.)
But, if you need further proof of what kind of mental fortitude it takes to make in the NFL, take this test. It’s a sample of the Wonderlic test given to players entering the NFL Draft. It’s also used by large companies to assess an applicant’s metal abilities.
Former Ravens linebacker Roderick Green’s score of 3 is reportedly the lowest score ever. Auburn cornerback David Irons and Weber State safety Bo Smith recorded 4’s this year.
I’m way smarter than all three of those guys and even smarter than Dan Marino. Take the test and see if you’re smarter than them, too.
(It should be mentioned that David Irons, in his defense, has been diagnosed with a learning disability.)

Mardi Gras headlines, highs and lows

Illy Man’s Up, Named King
For the first time in the history of Mardi Gras, a female should be named King. Ileana deserves the crown after MVP performances on the football field and at the controls of the grill. Torres also won the biggest poker game of the week.

Other Notable Performances
Lisa: Her overall domination in the Mardi Gras Bowl—albeit in a 27-0 drubbing—was one of legends. Without question, Lisa will be the No. 1 pick in next year’s draft.

Thomas: Danced and howled down Bourbon Street with a rubber rooster coming out of his pants. Sadly, the rooster was abducted by Bourbon Street, leaving Thomas without a cock.

Kosters disappoint
Chuck and Brent, the loveably goofy brothers from Omaha, put up little resistance in losing both the football game and two-on-two basketball challenge against the cousins, David and Jason.
There are plenty of excuses for the brothers’ performances—Chuck drank bird flu and Brent is an idiot—but they definitely fell short of expectations.
Meanwhile, Brent’s wife, Mardi Gras rookie Chelsey, found time in between naps to do a jello shot at 8 a.m. on Fat Tuesday. She lost points after putting something gross on Dave’s head.

Continue reading Mardi Gras headlines, highs and lows

Mardi Gras Concerts

It was 72 in New Orleans on Wednesday.

Dave’s Concert Picks
Fri: Mardi Gras Wild Indian Throwdown at Maple Leaf
Sat: Rebirth, Papa Grows Funk free at Howlin’ Wolf
Sun: Wild Magnolias, 10 a.m. at Le Bon Ton
Mon: Morning 40 at Checkpoint Charlies

Complete Line-Up

Thurs., Feb. 15 – Rebirth at Tips; Opening act is Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band; Better Than Ezra’s Mardi Gras Madness, 9 at House of Blues.

Fri., Feb. 16 – Morning 40 at One-Eyed Jacks; Rebirth and Soul Rebels at Howling Wolf – FREE SHOW; Radiators @ Tips; Better Than Ezra’s Mardi Gras Madness, 9 House of Blues (That’s right 2 days of Better Than Ezra); Krewe of O.A.K. Parade & Ball, Mardi Gras Wild Indian Throwdown,. 10 @ Maple Leaf.

Sat., Feb. 17 – Rebirth at Howling Wolf; Opening act is Para Grows Funk FREE SHOW; Hazard County Girls, Circle Bar; Galactic at Tips; morning 40 @ LE BON TON; Big Sam’s Funky Nation, Joe Krown Organ Combo, 10 @ Maple Leaf; Mardi Gras Masquerade Ball feat. Hot 8 Brass Band & DJ Spider, 9 @ Republic.

Sun., Feb. 18 – The Noise Parade, Circle Bar, Trombone Shorty’s Bacchus Blowout, Tips; George Porter Jr. (Meters), Rusell Batiste (funky meters) and Ivan and Ian Neville (Dumstaphunk) FREE SHOW; New Orleans Klezmer Allstars, 10 at Dragon’s Den; WILD MAGNOLIA’S 10 a.m..; Papa Grows Funk, 10; Shamarr Allen w/ Elliott Cohn’s C.S.S., 2 a.m.all at Le Bon Ton; Mardi Gras Post-Bacchus Bash feat. Big Sam’s Funky Nation, DJ D-NYCE, 9 @ Republic

Mon. (Lundi Gras), Feb. 19 – Morning 40 at Checkpoint Charlie’s: Dr. John, House of Blues
Fat Tues., Feb. 20 – Rebirth at the Maple Leaf; Hot 8 Brass Band, 10; Billy Iuso & the Restless Natives, 2 a.m; New Orleans Klezmer Allstars, Schatzy, 10 @ Saturn Bar

It’s On

Here’s the current roster and latest line for the seventh annual Mardi Gras Bowl. The game will be played Sunday, Feb. 18 at Audubon Park.
Rules will be posted soon and will require a female to throw or catch the ball on every third play. Please check back for complete rules.

The Fighting Purdumowski’s
Matt Penix

The Omahotties
Brent K.
Brent Joseph

Point Spread
Fighting Purdomowski’s -27 1/2