Jun 062008

10. Dudes, I got SO laid.
9. Hole in one!
8. Apparently, butt babies do live. (Sorry, I’m gross)
7. Guys, I’m outta here. Take care of this baby for me.
6. I totally recommend doing it with pregnant chicks.
5. Experimenting with pot does not make you infertile.
4. I want to have a sit-down with each of you about safe sex.
3. Congratulations, it’s not you that I knocked up.
2. While trying to come up with the ultimate Mardi Gras bead attracter, I envisioned a 3-month-old stuffed inside a Saints can koozie. So I made one.
1. I should have made the choice to be gay.

Due date: Dec. 11.

  12 Responses to “Dave’s top 10 ways to tell his friends that he’s going to be a daddy”

  1. Congrats, and happy birthday.

  2. Oh my!!!! If you decide to come back to Mardi Gras, I will babysit. Much happiness on your birthday and congratulations.!!!

  3. Well, now you can say, “WHO’S YOUR DADDY!” and it will actually mean something.

  4. Happy Birthday!

    The Saints koozie was my idea.

  5. We are currently accepting early applications for the “Onwards & Upwards…Little Tykes and Dykes” summer courses for the 2009 year. I highly recommend you registering your little one now to avoid delays in the near future. The flat fee of $500 is non-refundable, non-negotiable, and your child is guaranteed a lifetime of style, popularity, and unchallenged finesse.
    All my love and congratulations to the #1 Big Daddy!

    Auntie Paul

  6. Congratulations. Your going to be a great daddy (as long as you keep the doors shut).

  7. Wouldn’t it be better to be called Uncle Rebecca?

  8. Happy birthday Dave. You will be a kickass dad. Please start practicing your diaper skills on dolls immediately. Coffee grounds make a fine stand-in for poop.

  9. Wow, happy birthday and congratulations! I’ll have one about 3 months before you if you want to practice diapers.

  10. Awesome news, Dave. I expect Lil Payne to be playing Buzz within the year.

  11. By far “Lil Payne” is the best name suggestion for the baby.