Dave’s top 10 ways to tell his friends that he’s going to be a daddy

10. Dudes, I got SO laid.
9. Hole in one!
8. Apparently, butt babies do live. (Sorry, I’m gross)
7. Guys, I’m outta here. Take care of this baby for me.
6. I totally recommend doing it with pregnant chicks.
5. Experimenting with pot does not make you infertile.
4. I want to have a sit-down with each of you about safe sex.
3. Congratulations, it’s not you that I knocked up.
2. While trying to come up with the ultimate Mardi Gras bead attracter, I envisioned a 3-month-old stuffed inside a Saints can koozie. So I made one.
1. I should have made the choice to be gay.

Due date: Dec. 11.

12 thoughts on “Dave’s top 10 ways to tell his friends that he’s going to be a daddy”

  1. Oh my!!!! If you decide to come back to Mardi Gras, I will babysit. Much happiness on your birthday and congratulations.!!!

  2. We are currently accepting early applications for the “Onwards & Upwards…Little Tykes and Dykes” summer courses for the 2009 year. I highly recommend you registering your little one now to avoid delays in the near future. The flat fee of $500 is non-refundable, non-negotiable, and your child is guaranteed a lifetime of style, popularity, and unchallenged finesse.
    All my love and congratulations to the #1 Big Daddy!

    Auntie Paul

  3. Happy birthday Dave. You will be a kickass dad. Please start practicing your diaper skills on dolls immediately. Coffee grounds make a fine stand-in for poop.

  4. Wow, happy birthday and congratulations! I’ll have one about 3 months before you if you want to practice diapers.

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